Homesickness at Boarding School: A Practical Guide for Staff
Homesickness is one of the most common challenges students experience at boarding school.
It may appear on the first evening, several weeks into term, or even after a student returns from a holiday. For boarding tutors and houseparents, the aim shouldn’t be to make homesickness disappear immediately.
Our role is to help students manage it while building the friendships, routines and confidence that allow boarding school to become another place where they belong.
Recognise the Signs
Not every homesick student will tell you they want to go home.
Look for changes such as:
- withdrawing to their bedroom
- repeatedly calling or messaging home
- difficulty sleeping
- reduced appetite
- avoiding activities
- irritability or unusual emotions
- headaches or stomach aches
- constantly asking about the next holiday
Quiet observation is an important pastoral skill. Sometimes the student saying the least needs our attention most.
Don’t Dismiss the Feeling
When a student says, “I miss home,” it’s tempting to respond:
“Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”
Instead, acknowledge what they’re experiencing.
“I understand. You’ve had a lot of change in a very short time. What are you missing most tonight?”
That final question matters.
They may miss their parents, friends, bedroom, pet, food or simply the familiarity of their old routine.
Understanding what they actually miss helps us provide better support.
Create Connection
Isolation often makes homesickness stronger.
Look for natural opportunities to connect students through sport, music, gaming, fitness, nationality, language or shared interests.
You don’t need to manufacture friendships.
Simply create opportunities:
“David is heading to the gym later. Why don’t you go with him?”
A student may begin an evening desperately missing home and finish it laughing with other students.
The homesickness hasn’t necessarily disappeared.
But something else has appeared alongside it:
Belonging.
Pay Attention to Evenings
Students can cope perfectly well during a busy school day and struggle once the boarding house becomes quiet.
Evenings deserve particular attention.
Who disappears into their room?
Who hasn’t joined anything?
Who is constantly calling home?
Who seems different from earlier?
A casual conversation in the common room can sometimes tell you more than a formal pastoral meeting.
Work With Parents
Parents may receive an emotional phone call:
“I hate it here. I want to come home.”
Ten minutes later, that same student may be downstairs playing table tennis.
Boarding staff often see the whole evening. Parents may only hear the hardest ten minutes.
Good communication between home and school is therefore essential.
Reassure parents when appropriate, share positive moments and encourage a consistent message:
“We know this is difficult, but we believe you can manage it, and there are people there to support you.”
Build Routine
Routine creates security.
Breakfast, school, activities, dinner, study, free time and bedtime gradually become predictable.
What initially feels unfamiliar becomes normal.
And normal eventually begins to feel comfortable.
Encourage participation too. Sport, house activities, trips, games and shared meals give students something to anticipate besides the next holiday.
Ask Better Questions
Instead of repeatedly asking “Are you okay?”, try:
What are you missing most?
When do you find it hardest?
What’s been good so far?
Who do you enjoy spending time with?
What could make tomorrow a little easier?
The objective isn’t to solve everything tonight.
Sometimes making tomorrow slightly better is enough.
Know When to Seek More Support
Homesickness is normal, but persistent distress shouldn’t automatically be dismissed as homesickness.
Significant changes in eating, sleeping, mood, behaviour, school attendance, hygiene or social interaction may require additional support.
Always follow your school’s wellbeing and safeguarding procedures when concerns become more serious.
From Homesickness to Belonging
One of the most rewarding parts of boarding is watching the transition.
The student who once counted the days until the next holiday begins making friends, developing routines and becoming part of the house.
Eventually, they return after a break, walk through the boarding house door and say:
“It’s good to be back.”
Our job isn’t to replace home.
It is to help create another community where a young person feels:
Known. Supported. Safe. Valued.
And eventually, at home.
Practical Resource for Boarding Staff
For more practical guidance, The Houseparent’s Handbook from Lumina Learning House is a comprehensive 300-page professional resource covering student wellbeing, homesickness, safeguarding, behaviour, routines, communication, relationships and the everyday realities of residential education.
Explore The Houseparent’s Handbook and the Boarding & Pastoral Resources collection from Lumina Learning House on Teachers Pay Teachers.
